


You are the only one

by dharmadown



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Quindom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 05:57:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharmadown/pseuds/dharmadown
Summary: This a prequel to one of my Tegan and Sara fan fictions (If there was just one), however it is still a work in progress. These are the first two chapters of it.Please comment, and if this fic gets good reception, I'll continue to publish the next chapters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Saturday, 8th November 2003, Café Campus**

 

I know I should've stayed at home. I couldn't stand the crowd, the smell and the smoke in this dive bar Emy brought me to

 

If it weren't for her hounding me for months to meet this woman she just couldn't stop blabbering about, I won't be here; this is just not a place I'd go to on a Saturday night.

 

"Emy I've been hit on by at least 8 men already!” And it wasn’t fun; I’d rather do the hitting, cause honestly, I can do it better than these men.  “where is this girl???? I'm not even old enough to be here!" I said, continuously chasing Emy. While the rest of the country’s legal drinking age ranges from 18-19, you have to at least be 21 to get inside this particular place—luckily it’s not one of those “over 25” bars.

 

"SSHH!!! stop it with the 'under age' talk, do you want to be thrown out of this bar?" Emy said in a hush.

 

"I'd take that route, thank you very much." I said, before turning around, walking against the crowd to leave.

 

"come on! Jo!" Emy shouted at me as I walk further away from her.

 

"hey, dude you want some beer?" I asked a random guy, handing him my untouched bottle.

 

"thanks!" the guy said, grabbing the bottle.

 

"you're welcome!" I said, trying not to judge his drunk ass.

 

I walked away again, but before I can get too far, Emy caught up with me.

 

"Jo, please, just stay for a little bit, I just really want you to meet her; and besides I told your mom I'll drive you back to your dorm." Emy said as she cornered me in a spot.

 

"and dude, you have no idea how much I bribed that bouncer just to let you in." Emy pleaded.

 

I looked up at her and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms, thinking of how _great_ the heights she climbed for this.  

 

"Fine!"

 

"Yay!" Emy said, almost jumping.

 

"you have an hour! if this bitch doesn’t show up I'm leaving without you." I said.

 

"oh they're playing next! so just hang on tight." Emy said, throwing an arm over my shoulders before leading me back to the front of the stage.

 

"playing? They? So… you never told she was in a band!" I said, as I struggle to squeeze myself in between the swarm of funky smelling people.

 

"I didn't?!" Emy asked, seeming a little out of her head again.

 

"you never did!" I said.

 

"oh." Emy just laughed it off.

 

I shook my head, following Emy with a strange look as we get to the front.

 

"OH! there she is." Emy said looking to the side of the stage.

 

Emy waved, and behind the shadows, a pale, thin woman with a shaggy haircut waved back, flashing her a grin.

 

"Let's go!" Emy said, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me aside.

 

_Finally._

 

We walked towards the side of the stage where this girl was standing, hoping that she is worth all the trouble I got myself into.

 

"Hi! you made it!" the girl greeted, as Emy walked towards her, giving her a quick hug. “I thought Tegan was lying when she said she saw you in the crowd earlier!”

 

"yes, as promised! We arrived about an hour ago but we couldn’t find you"  Emy said as they pull apart, the girl still holding on to Emy's hand

 

"Yeah, we couldn’t get off from the backstage… and you brought a friend!" she said, turning to me, still smiling ear to ear

 

"oh yes!” Emy got startled, having probably forgotten me “ Sara this is Jo, Jo this is Sara." Emy said introducing us.

 

"oh! So you’re the famous Joanne!" Sara greeted, offering a hand. "finally! I've heard so much about you!"

 

oh I wish I can say the same.

 

"Nice to finally meet you Sara." I said.

 

"likewise..." Sara responded with a grin

 

"---Okay get up on there! you have 5 mins!" someone from behind Sara called on her.

 

"shit, I have to go.. see you after the set!" Sara bid before grabbing her guitar and getting on stage.

 

Emy turned to me with a big crazy smile I know so well--damn it, she's so into her.

 

"So... what do you think?" Emy asked, clutching on to my arms from feeling giddy.

 

"well... err---" I honestly don't think she's ever Emy's type, but she seemed okay to me to be honest.

 

"whaaaat?" Emy asked, looking worried that she might have been crushing on the wrong girl.

 

"I mean how can I tell if she's 'okay' for you or not in as short as what... 2 minutes?" I said as we move aside. Emy just raised an eyebrow on me, as if telling me to just be honest with her; “well—Fine! She seems nice, but… I don’t know, that’s all I can see on the surface for now, I need to be able to hang out wit—“

 

In the middle of our chat, a tall blonde girl in a bob bumped into me as she walked past, interrupting our conversation and knocking me so hard that I fell behind, hitting another person.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK?” I yelled at the girl; but she just walked away and didn’t even look back.

 

“Jenn!” The girl behind me cried. “I am so sorry!” she said, turning to me, as she held me up.

 

“It’s okay, I’m okay.” I said, picking myself up.

 

Heck I’m not even drunk yet but I’m falling apart in this side stage; not that I’m looking forward to getting all wasted tonight or whatever.

 

“You sure?” she asked.

 

I turned to her—and was surprised when I saw her face. She looks _exactly_ like Sara.

 

“Are you okay jo?” Emy asked, as she helped the girl pick me.

 

I nodded, not looking away from this girl—I stared—and I know that was rude, but I was just as surprised seeing her stare back at me as if she saw a ghost.

 

“good thing Tegan’s here, you could’ve fallen wrong and hit your head.” Emy added, while I stood still from my spot.

 

“Tee—who?” I asked, finally breaking my stare from the girl, turning to Emy

 

“Tegan.” The girl said. I turned back and saw her holding her hand up for me to shake “That’s me. I’m Tegan.”

 

“UhM—I’m Jo.” I said, shaking her hand, and not knowing hw else to react from this ambushed introduction.

 

Tegan smiled, licked her lips and bit it, playing her labret—and oddly enough, I found it sexy? This is weird.

 

“she’s Sara’s sister. _Twin_ sister.” Emy added, as she cross her arms, obviously trying to stop herself from laughing, while I just nodded, surveying Tegan’s face like I’ve never seen a twin before.

 

“I… I’ll catch up with you later” Tegan said, still staring back at me, and _still_ holding my hand.

 

I quickly snatched my hand back, but I pulled away too quickly and vigorously that I too was surprised; I didn't want to giver her the wrong impression.

 

Tegan jerked.

 

“oh. Shit. Sorry.” Tegan said, finally breaking _her_ stare, as she put her hand down, before she wiped her sweaty palms against her jeans.

 

“I gotta go.” Tegan said, smiling; but she wasn’t moving from her place.

 

“Okaaaay.” I said, awkwardly, trying to stop my gut from trembling like a cat out in the cold streets of Montreal in the middle of November.

 

“okay.” Tegan then quickly turned and ran towards the stage, she turned to get her guitar, and looked back my way as she fix the straps on her shoulder, before I shifted around and avoided her glance.

 

“what the fuck was that about?” Emy asked, pulling me away from Tegan’s view.

 

“I—I don’t know. That felt… that felt really weird.” I said, as I hold my stomach, trying to calm it down.

 

“dude, that blonde girl that knocked you down, that was her girlfriend, Jenn.” Emy said.

 

“Oh. Okay. Have they been fighting?” I asked

 

Emy shook her head. “I guess so. I have a feeling she did that on purpose.”

 

“I don’t see why she would do that.” I said crossing my arms.

 

“are you blind?! That didn’t seem like an honest accident to me.” Emy said sounding like she was stating something so obvious.

 

“what are you saying?! What is up with this place? Am I the only one sober in here?” I am so confused right now—I honestly have no idea where this is going.

 

“Did you see how Tegan looked at you?! I mean I’m sure you could tell she was checking you out, you were _staring_ at each other for a good 5 seconds _…_ or more.” Emy said, almost laughing.

 

“well.. yeah I was, cause… I don’t know—it  felt like my mind was playing games on me, I thought it was Sara at first, but then it’s not her?” I said, trying to excuse myself from embarrassment—I’m not the one who would stare, but Tegan looked rather… I don’t know, _interesting_ to me.

 

“ _really_ now?” Emy asked.

 

“can you just cut me some slack and let’s watch them instead?” I said, pulling her out of the side stage, back to the crowd.

 

“Let’s stay here at the side, I’m a little too tall to stay in the middle.” Emy suggested, holding me back from going to the middle.

 

“okay, fine.” I said, as we settle ourselves in a corner of the stage.

 

“you want some beer? I’m gonna go grab some.” Emy offered, pointing to the bar.

 

“okay sure… don’t forget my straw.”

 

“You’re such a weirdo.”

 

“I know.”

 

Emy scoffed before leaving me in the audience. I looked back at the stage and saw Tegan awkwardly smiling at me from her spot on the stage as she cradle her guitar.

 

I looked behind me, trying to see if she was actually looking at someone else, but when I looked back at her, she was laughing to herself, biting her pick as she tune her guitar— _still_ looking at me.

 

My stomach shook once again, and as I remember what Emy said about her girlfriend, I tried looking around to see if she was anywhere near me, I don’t want to be knocked down again after this. I avoided Tegan’s glance and I just crossed my arms, trying to follow Emy around in sight, just so I could keep myself occupied.

 

“you all having a great night?” I heard Sara spoke through the microphone. I looked towards Sara, and made sure to look _only_ at her, to avoid having to look at Tegan.

 

“Here you go.” Emy arrived back, handing me a bottle _without_ the straw.

 

“Learn to drink straight from the bottle.” She said, as she stand beside me, before drinking her beer. “you’re not going to die from dirt, you probably will from liver failure though.”

 

“whatever” I sighed and just wiped the mouth of the bottle using the seams of my shirt, as we carried on to watch the gig; doing my very best to avoid Tegan’s line of sight.

 

 

 

 

 

The set was over in close to 2 hours, thankfully Emy agreed to leave as soon as she bids Sara goodbye, so I took her car keys and stayed at the parking lot as I wait for her inside her car.

 

10 minutes into waiting, and Emy was still nowhere near the lot, I had to kill the engine and get back to the bar to look for her; but not wanting to have to look like a lost kid in a grocery, I called Emy.

 

_“Jo!”_

“where the hell are you?”

 

_“I’m still inside! Come here for a bit, Sara and I are still talking business, you may want to join us.”_

 

“Where exactly is _here_?”

 

_“Go through the back door just right of the gate going to the parking lot, I’ll meet you there.”_

“Emy it’s 11 o’clock, I have yoga tomorrow morning. I think I’ll just get a cab.”

 

_“Skip it, It’s just one session, come on! Get in here; you can meet the rest of the band too if you like.”_

I paused, feeling a little enticed since after all, I did enjoy their set.

 

“Fine. Meet me by the back door, I’m walking towards the gate.”

 

 _“Okay, I’m on my way out_.”

 

I walked to the gate and looked for the back door, I spotted a trash box right outside the alleyway and saw the door in front of it, but blocking the way was a group of men, probably drunk, teasing eachother and laughing as they all chatted.

 

I took a deep breath, hoping not to catch any unwanted attention from these people, and proceeded to walk as quickly as I can.

 

But walking alone in a back alley, close to midnight is in no doubt a bad idea.

 

I bowed my head as I walked past them, but one of them shifted and I got bumped yet again.

 

_Damn it._

“Excuse me.” I said, trying to avoid the person who bumped into me.

 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He said.

 

“It’s okay.” I said, before moving away.

 

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He said, trying to _still_ block my way.

 

“What the fuck dude that’s the best you’ve got?!” said another guy from the group, and they all started laughing and teasing him.

 

I felt a little uneasy, and unable to do anything at this point cause they were already blocking my every turn; I pulled my phone out to try and call Emy again, but one of the guys threw their arm over my shoulder.

 

“Don’t touch me!” I said pulling away. “God!”

 

The men looked rather bummed; and started circling me as they make faces.

 

“Come on, give my friend break!” one of them suggested

 

“Yeah we just want to get to know you.” Another one said.

 

“I’m sorry but I’m not interested.” I said, pushing my arms against them as I try to break through the circle.

 

“Come on.. please?” The guy who bumped me said, trying to sound sweet. “I’m sorry… please give me your name?” he gripped both my arms, pulling it away from his friends who blocked me once again, but I struggled to let loose from him.

 

I thought I had it under control, until he tightened his grip, sending me in a panic.

 

_“Jesus, let her go, or I’ll call the police!”_

The men then broke the circle, and through that little space, I saw Tegan standing right at the back door, holding it open.

 

“Alright!” The guy said, raising his hands, finally freeing me. “I’m sorry I just want to know the beautiful lady a little more.”

 

“well you don’t do it by hounding her while she’s all by herself at a back alley. Buy some manners.” Tegan said. “Let’s go.” As soon as Tegan reached her hands out, I quickly ran towards her.

 

“Fuck off.” She said to them as she held me by my shoulders to keep me close, leading me inside before she closed the door back.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked as we walk in; her arms still over my shoulder.

 

“Yeah..” I nodded as I try to relax my nerves; but honestly, Tegan’s arm over my shoulder isn’t really helping with that.

 

“alright.. it’s a good thing Emy asked me to get you back there.” Tegan said, quickly pulling her hands back, probably noticing how uncomfortable I was.

 

“what? Emy asked _you_ to get me?” I asked, feeling a little upset with Emy; I have only known her for less than a year and I don’t really know her that well just yet, and I don’t want to judge her about how she is around girls she likes, but come on, why would you leave a friend out in the dark like that?

“yeah she’s a little busy talking about artwork and shit with Sara.” Tegan said, leading me to turn right from the hallway; away from the crowd.

 

“artwork?” I asked, a little confused here, I didn’t know Emy was doing anything for them.

 

“Yeah she’s a graphic artist for Vapor” Tegan said.

 

“well, yeah I know _that_ part.” I said.

 

“she works for us… well, not _for_ us, but she was assigned by Vapor to do our artwork for the next LP.” Tegan explained.

 

“Ahh, so you’re signed through Vapor then, eh? That’s nice, I didn’t think you were… _that_ big… In a good way, I mean you sound great, but you play in small venues like this… keeping it grounded, huh?” I said, trying to redeem myself for even thinking they were small time independent musicians.

 

“yeah, you gotta keep it low when things get a little too airy up in there. You can’t stay above water if you want to keep your gills functioning; you know what I’m saying?”

 

All of a sudden I have this new found appreciation for her talent, She seemed a little too awkward on stage too, and I think that’s really great—they’re still relatable, and that’s what’s important among all other things apart from being so darn talented.

 

“here we are.” Tegan said as we stopped at a dressing room. “After you.”

 

Tegan opened the door for us, and was welcomed by loud chatting from a room packed with other people.

 

I walked in, but didn’t see Emy anywhere on there, but Tegan took my hand and led me to another room. We got to the door that says “TEGAN AND SARA”, then quickly opened it, pulling me inside.

 

“There she is!” Emy greeted from the couch, sitting beside Sara and another woman; there were only 3 of them inside, so it’s a relief that we’re not alongside all the other people from the other dressing room.

 

“Tegan?” Sara called, glancing at our hands, raising an eyebrow.

 

She and I quickly pulled away and moved towards the stools in front of the couch. “take a seat.” Tegan said, shyly.

 

I don’t exactly know what to make up of it, but it looks like Sara was pissed seeing us holding hands like that—I mean, I think Tegan was just being polite, not letting me go so I don’t get swallowed by the swarm of people outside their dressing room, so I didn’t feel like she was making advances towards me or anything.

 

“I’m sorry we have to ambush Emy for a little bit, we were just talking about some work on the album art.” Sara said.

 

“Oh it’s okay, Tegan explained it.” I said.

 

“Sorry.” Emy mouthed.

 

“It’s fine, but I almost got mobbed by a group of boys at the back alley and you’re gonna make it up to me this coming recess.” I told Emy.

 

At that point, Emy looked at Tegan.

 

“Good thing Tegan came right on time.” I added.

 

“Shit I am so sorry.” Emy said, palming her face. “were you hurt?”

 

I looked at my arms, showing them the marks of the guy’s hands. “It’s not bruising, but he held on me so tight, my arms almost slept.”

 

“Damn it, do you want us to get back at those boys?” Tegan asked.

 

“Oh Come on Tegan.” Sara said.

 

The room bursted in laughter.

 

“What?! I’m serious!” Tegan exclaimed.

 

“Well tell us that again when you start working out. K?” The other girl beside Emy said.

 

“And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m Kim.” The girl said, reaching out for a shake.

 

“I’m Jo, nice to meet you.” I said, shaking hers. Damn I’ve had more hands to shake than beers to drink in one night.

 

“Likewise! Did you and Emy go to Concordia together?” She asked.

 

“Oh no, I met her during orientation, she did a talk for upcoming freshmen in the fine arts department, and we just… clicked right away.” I said.

 

“So, wait… just _this_ school year?” Kim asked, looking all confused.

 

“yeah… this past August.” I said, almost hesitating.

 

“so.. how old are you?” Tegan asked.

 

I turned to her, and saw Tegan frowning; I then looked at Sara, and then Emy who was biting her lip, trying to stop herself from laughing.

 

“I’m… I’m 19.”

 

There were gasps, and I swear I almost heard Kim shriek, as she cover her mouth.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Tegan asked, looking all shocked and shit.

 

“How the hell did you get her in here?!” Sara asked Emy, she wasn’t mad, she was smiling, almost laughing too.

 

“I bribed the bouncer.” Emy said.

 

“good job!” Kim said with a huge smile on her face, giving Emy a thumbs up.

 

“Damn.” Tegan whispered; but was loud enough for me to hear it from right beside her, as she shake her head.

 

“Is there anything wrong?” I asked Tegan in an undertone, feeling a little embarrassed around this group of fairly _older_ people.

 

“nothing… I just… I didn’t think you were only 19.. not that you don’t look like it I just…. I thought you looked… rather… mature? I guess, like---“

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake Tegan!” Sara had to cut her off again—saving her from her stupid mouth yet again.

 

“Fuck off Sara.”  Tegan said.

 

“So…” I started, killing the awkward silence “where’s that… that blonde girl that bumped into me earlier?” I asked.

 

Tegan’s eyes widened; “oh… that... that girl… I have no idea where she is.”

 

“that was Tegan’s girlfriend… she has that attitude, don’t mind her.” Sara said, shaking her head.

 

“So, I manned the merch booth because your merch girl left, what was wrong with her?” Kim asked.

 

“I’m sorry, she… you know her mood.” Tegan said, trying not to say too much.

 

I could tell she was a little embarrassed, and I somewhat felt as if I shouldn’t have asked her that in the first place.

 

“well, If she’s going to act like that every time a fan talks to you, she’s not gonna last in this set up. You better think about that.” Sara said.

 

“I wasn’t talking to a fan.” Tegan said, before taking a glance at me and cutting her eyes away.

 

“oh.” Sara said. “yes, I remember.” Sara sighed, and then stood.

 

“Anyone wants some beer?” Sara asked, as she open the bar fridge.

 

“I’ll have one.” I said raising my hand.

 

“Okay we’re not in a class here you don’t have to raise your hand.” Tegan said, trying to stop herself from laughing.

 

“oh. Sorry.” I said—putting my hand down.

 

Sara sneered, and shook her head as she picked up the beers, Tegan saw it and she just chuckled, throwing a glance at Emy. Emy smiled, and bit her lip as she look at Tegan, and _then,_ looked at me.

 

“Okay, you guys, I have to go…” Kim said, standing up from the couch.

 

“why? We’re just getting started.” Sara said, walking towards us.

 

“Yeah, it’s the last day of tour before we go on a break, we have all night… ” Tegan added, getting a bottle from Sara.

 

“I know… but you seem to… have your own _plans_ tonight, so… I’m off.” Kim said, looking at all of us, one by one, with that silly smile.

 

“Alright, well… we’ll walk you out.” Tegan said, standing up.

 

We bid Kim goodbye, and as soon as the three of them are out of the room, I quickly jumped into the sofa right beside Emy.

 

“We have to go Emy, I have a really bad feeling about this.” I said, clutching on to her arm.

 

“Hey, relax” Emy said, tapping on my thigh “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

 

“okay..”I exhaled “I’m drug free for a year now, I don’t want to—“

 

“Wait,… What?!” Emy said, cutting me off.

 

“Jo, we’re not doing drugs tonight… or any other night for that matter. Okay?” Emy reassured me, putting arm over my shoulder.

 

“I know you said you’ve been trying to stay _clean_ while you’re here, and I respect that. Besides I don’t… do hard drugs. They don’t.” she added.

 

“okay… good.” I said, sitting up. For a moment there I wanted to burst out of the room, and just run home, or get away from this place.

 

“…and what made you think we’re doing _it?”_ Emy asked, sounding rather insulted.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it to sound like that, I just… I just met them, okay? and the way they sent signals, I… I couldn’t read it.” I said, trying to relax myself beside Emy.

 

“okay, it’s not _that._ It’s something else and I’m going to be honest with you… but please, don’t feel, uncomfortable, or feel like someone’s preying on you… but…” Emy paused.

 

“but what..?”

 

“Tegan likes you.” There, she just blurted it out.

 

Now it’s not like Im surprised; I just didn’t think it would be something big of a deal that Emy had to give me that little disclaimer before telling me.

 

“…and… so?” I asked.

 

“Jo, are you blind? Are you… numb or something?” Emy asked, turning to me and shaking me by the arm.

 

“Jenn obviously walked out and bumped you on purpose because Tegan’s been checking you out all night, before we even saw Sara.” Emy said.

 

“and… how do you know that?” I said, feeling skeptic of this.

 

“Sara told me. I mean… she tells me _everything_.” Emy said almost whispering.

 

“And who told Sara?” I asked, crossing my arms.

 

“She saw it with her own eyes, and talked Tegan to being careful with her glances cause Jenn started to notice her.” Emy said, crossing her arms too.

 

“okay fine, and so what if she does like me, it’s not like she’s going to do something about it, I mean she has a girlfriend.” I said.

 

“well… She might. I mean, this is not the first time this happened, so… don’t be that girl.” Emy warned, looking all worried.

 

Tegan didn’t seem like a player type to me, and I want to give myself the chance to know this person if she is going to be a friend, just as much as Emy is to me.

 

“Look, I’m _your_ friend. If she _does_ like me, I don’t think she’ll have the confidence to ruin her chances like that, especially that I know she has a girlfriend.” I said, trying to pull Emy away from her malicious ideas.

 

“Well that’s the problem, she knows you know that she has a girlfriend, yet she’s crossing her boundaries. I mean, damn it, you two walked in holding hands, Sara had to sort of _remind_ her that she shouldn’t be that too close for comfort. That’s what those _signals_ were for.” Emy said.

 

I know that; Yet I allowed Tegan to hold my hand to lead me through the crowd outside.

 

“But… I’d like to think it’s not solely her fault..” I said in defense of Tegan.

 

“What do you mean..?” Emy asked, looking as if she was waiting for me to drop a bomb.

 

“I mean I could’ve…. Pulled myself away from her…but I didn’t.” I said, trying to be careful with my words.

 

“Oh no… please don’t tell me you like her too.” Emy asked, shaking her head, and looking so worried.

 

I smiled, as I feel my cheeks warm up to a blush; _embarrassed_ is an understatement, and out of all the incidents I had in my head before coming here, it never crossed my mind that I’ll meet someone that will tickle my fancy.

 

“shit” I said, surrendering in defeat from my denial, finally figuring out why all those tremors bothered my nerves when I was around her. “I think I do.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**TEGAN:**

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Sara asked as soon as we sent Kim off. I knew she would be up in my ass again after seeing me with Jo.

 

“nothing, what are you talking about?” I asked as we walk into the bar again.

 

Sara knows that I’ve been checking Jo out since I first saw her tonight, causing Jenn to walk out on me again, but it’s not like I’d fuck a 19 year old.

 

“Tegan, I’m not dumb, and I’m sure she’s not either; or maybe she’s naïve and won’t think you were hitting on her, but you’re giving yourself away.” Sara said.

 

“For fuck’s sake Sara, she’s 19!” I reminded her.

 

“That’s the fucking point, idiot, don’t make a fool of yourself and stop flirting with her.” Sara said, having found the need to turn around and say that right at my face.

 

“I wasn’t!” I answered back.

 

“Sure, you weren’t holding her hand when you two got in; that was a product of my imagination.” Sara said.

 

“I led her in, you know how many people were in that dressing room, she might get caught in the crowd.” I explained myself; and I just can’t believe I had to.

 

“Jesus Christ, she’s not a fucking child...” Sara said.

 

“Yeah but you weren’t there when she got hounded by those drunk men, she was a little traumatized and I had to make sure she’d feel safe around that many people.” I said.

 

Well… at some point I did _try_ to flirt with her, but I only ended up with a frozen body and an anxious gut. I know I  couldn’t deny that I found Jo really attractive, but the part where I wanted to make sure she feels safe, is in all honesty, the reason why I led her in like I did.

 

“you know what? Whatever, just don’t get yourself in trouble with Jenn; and leave Emy out of it.” Sara said, before turning back and walking towards the dressing room.

 

“To be honest I’m getting a little tired of Jenn being a bitch like that.” Sara added as we walk together.

 

“So are you telling me to get rid of her?” I asked, joking—or was I?

 

“no, no, don’t start!” Sara said pausing again, facing me. “I didn’t say that.” She added, pointing a finger up my face. “but If you couldn’t control your girlfriend and if you are filled with jealousy and distrust in your _relationship_ then you’re probably better off single… Both of you. And would you fucking stop putting words in my mouth?”

 

I sighed, looking down as I try to come up with a better come back on that; but Sara was right.

 

“Well she walked out on me and I didn’t see where she went.” Then I remembered I was too busy trying to kill my nerves in front of Jo. “I also tried calling the hotel from the payphone at the back but she won’t pick up.” I said, starting to feel a little worried about Jenn.

 

“well maybe she didn’t go to her hotel tonight?” Sara asked, also with an apparent concern on her face.

 

“I hope that’s not the case, she doesn’t know anyone in this city.” I said, thinking of who she might have contacted to stay in.

 

“Or maybe she’s on her way to your apartment in Vancouver?” Sara said.

 

“That’s ridiculous, she won’t travel all the way this time of the night, besides her stuff is still in the van, I checked.” Sara rolled her eyes on me.

 

“Then she’s probably not at the hotel then dumb ass. She could still be with in this Venue, look around.” Sara said before leaving me and entering the dressing room.

 

I honestly didn’t want to deal with this now, I’d rather sit down and chat with Jo over beer; But my girlfriend is mad at me, and I don’t want this to cause any more drama than it deserves.

 

I walked towards the bar, and tried checking the stools one by one, and then backstage, and even at the back alley—Jenn wasn’t anywhere on there. I don’t know what else to do, or anywhere else to look, and I’m getting a little tired of this—I just want to find her and make up with her to get this shit over with.

 

This is one of those rare moments when I wish we had a cellphone, would have been easier for both of us to look for eachother; I could only imagine how convenient it would be to fight with her on the phone instead of face to face, at least she can calm down first before deciding if she should slap me or not.

 

I went backstage again, and decided to look for the stage manager, in the hopes of getting help to look for Jenn; however I got caught up with one of our crew members; _maybe they saw Jenn._

 

I quickly approached them, and immediately went into asking where Jenn was.

 

“well, after your set I saw her leave with someone.”

 

_Shit._

“did you recognize who it was?” I asked, trying to calm myself down.

 

He shook his head; “No, not familiar to me, but she was, probably just as tall as Jenn though, caucasian. Pixie cut..”

 

“Alright, thanks.” I said, before giving his arms a pat and walking back to the dressing room.

 

_“Bullshit.”_ I mumbled to myself as I walk away.

 

It never crossed my mind that she would leave with anyone, and I thought I was the one going to cheat on her tonight, but fuck, the joke’s on me.

 

I reached the ladies room, and in my anger, without thinking, my fist flew to one of the cubicle doors, denting it, spraining my hand.

 

“Fuck!” I screamed in pain from my punch; leaving the rest of the people in this restroom shocked and scared—scrambling out towards the door to avoid me.

 

I wanted to punch a real person. I want to fight anyone who gets in my way right this very minute and I want to just scream at Jenn for being such a bitch; or maybe I wanted to fight her because she got the upper hand this time, knowing that I couldn’t make my move on anyone especially when I’m with Sara.

 

I breathed, calming myself as I try not to make this any worse. I tried to think of my advantage in this situation; picturing Jo’s face in my head as I recall that I’m not the one at a loss here—cause after all, I do have her for company tonight. I’m sure Jenn is probably just as worried and mad as I am.

 

Once I finally calmed down enough not to punch anyone on my way back to the dressing room, I went for the sink and just washed my face, trying to cool down the heat on my head from all this rage.

 

I was surprised at how quickly I restrained my temper, just about a minute ago I was ready to kill anyone, and the next I’m all kinds of excited to the thought of going back to the dressing room—maybe it was Jo?

 

For some reason, the idea gave me goose bumps. I don’t know if I was scared, or just giddy from all this, but this silly crush is troubling me enough to think if it was even worth risking my relationship.

 

_What if Jenn finds out? Then I’m proving her right. What if Jo becomes this clingy little girlfriend when I’m clearly just crushing on her and nothing more? What if this costs Sara her relationship with Emy?_

Why am I even thinking of all these things? It’s not like I’m going to try and hook up with a 19 year old; let alone will she be mature enough to even do anything with me?

 

I shook my head, removing all these dirty thoughts in my head; especially this picture in my head of Jo beneath me.

 

_Fuck._

I feel like a freak, like a predator, fantasizing about a young lady, barely old enough to even be in this bar or in my bed.

 

_Am I going mad?_ I thought to myself as I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, wanting to slap it back to reality.

 

 

 

 

 

**JO**

_“shit” I said, surrendering in defeat from my denial, finally figuring out why all those tremors bothered my nerves when I was around her. “I think I do.”_

Emy palmed her face in disappointment; “Jeez, this is all my fault” she said.

 

“what are you saying?! It’s not like anything bad happened? A crush is _just_ a crush, come on.” I said, carefully pulling her hand off her face.

 

“you don’t get it, Jenn and I are friends too, okay—well, not as much as you are a friend to me—but I’m just worried, I know how crazy she can get and it’s not gonna be pretty, I’m telling you.” Emy said.

 

She shook her head and looked away, pursing her lips and clearly thinking ahead of this situation; I don’t get why it’s such a big deal for her.

 

“it’s not like my goal was to steal Tegan away from her, that’s just way ahead of all this, it’s _just_ a crush.”

 

“what _crush?”_ someone behind me asked;

 

Emy and I turned, and saw Sara back on the dressing room; I didn’t notice her come back in, but she was  just closing the door back when Emy and I saw her.

 

“oh nothing, just university stuff. Where’s Tegan?” Emy asked, trying to set the topic aside.

 

“she just got caught on something, she’ll be right back.” Sara said as she sit back at her spot on the couch.

“so, going back…” Sara said, picking her beer up from the side table. “Are you amenable to work beginning January 5th?”

 

“Yeah, anytime after the holidays. I’ll be home in New York on Wednesday til after New year’s eve.” Emy said before drinking her beer.

 

“Good… good.” Sara said.

 

“What about you Jo? Are you gonna be home for the Holidays too?” Sara asked.

 

“I don’t know, we do have classes in between Holidays so I’d probably stay in Montreal. I might go to my Mom’s house in New York too, or she’ll fly here cause almost all our relatives are here.” I said.

 

Sara nodded.

 

“What about this Film Fest you were talking about, where is this again?” Sara asked.

 

“It’s here in Montreal.” I said, looking at Emy who just cleared her throat. “And this one right here promised me she’s coming.” I added as I turn to Emy.

 

“Oh come on.” Emy said. “I’m sorry sweetie… I overlooked the date. I didn’t realize It was that weekend right after Thanksgiving and I really need to be home then.”

 

“it’s fine, I mean it’s not like I have anything to entice you with.” I said.

 

“Well, I’ll be here in Montreal that weekend.” Sara said.

 

“What are you suggesting?” I asked.

 

“I can accompany you if you want.” Sara offered.

 

“What…?” I asked in confusion. “I mean that’s great! But… is that okay with you?” I turned to Emy.

 

“Well, yeah! Duh?  At least the tickets you reserved won’t go to waste.” Emy said all smiles.

 

“Wait, so she already bought the tickets and you’re backing out?!” Sara asked in surprise.

 

“Well… I’m  sorry, okay? I just… ugh! I feel really bad, don’t push the bullet further in please.” Emy said before chugging on her beer.

 

I just rolled my eyes away from Emy and shook my head; “that’s fine, I mean, family first, right?” I said, trying to ease Emy’s worry that I might be mad at her for this.

 

“Sara, thank you, that’s really nice of you to do that.” I said, facing Sara.

 

“you’re welcome…” Sara said, raising her bottle. I toasted mine on hers and we drank, and as we finish and put the bottle down, the dressing room door swung open; with Tegan barging in, her face red and wet.

 

“What happened to you?” Sara asked as Tegan closed the door back.

 

“I had to wash my face…” Tegan said, taking her seat.

 

“Any luck?” Sara asked, before drinking her beer.

 

Tegan shook her head as she pick her bottle up; “apparently she left… with _someone.”_

“shut up” Sara groaned in disbelief.

 

Tegan just nodded, as she drank straight from her bottle.

 

“sorry who are we talking about?” Emy asked.

 

“Jenn.” Sara said.

 

“who saw her left? Are you sure that’s true? It could be someone who looks just like her?” Emy said, frowning, feeling a little too skeptic.

 

“Matt won’t lie to me come on.” Tegan said.

 

“So Matt saw jenn leave the bar, did he recognize who it was?” Sara asked, also looking worried.

 

“No, but he did describe the person and it seems to me like she found a Canadian lesbian hook up for tonight.” Tegan said, before chugging down the rest of her beer.

 

Emy turned to me and we gave eachother this look, as if telling me not to do anything stupid now that Tegan’s temporarily off the hook since her girlfriend  left the venue with someone else.

 

“anyway…” Tegan said, standing up and walking towards the fridge.

 

“Looks like we’re out of beer, you guys up for another round or two? I’ll have some brought here.” Tegan said after seeing the empty fridge.

 

“Yeah, I’ll have 2 more bottles, guys?” Sara said, facing us.

 

“I’ll pass, I’m still driving later.” Emy said.

 

“I’ll have 2 too.” I said. “oh! And…can you also get me a straw?”

 

Tegan, Sara and Emy all turned to me in surprise.

 

“wait, what?? A straw? What for?” Tegan asked, looking all confused.

 

“uhm… I just… don’t like drinking from the bottle, like I have to bring the bottle up, with a straw I could just like… _sip._ ” I said. I am genuinely not fond of drinking straight from the bottle; “…also I could taste the rust from the bottle crown, so…”

 

Tegan just stood there, looking at me with so much confusion, her mouth was open this whole time, while Sara stared biting her lip, probably noty knowing how to answer to that, and Emy… Emy’s pursing her lips, most likely from 2nd hand embarrassment.

 

“o—kay” tegan said before reaching for the phone on the dressing room.

 

“I know it’s weird but… it’s pretty convenient once you get used to it.” I said.

 

“I’m sure it is.” Sara said, trying not to laugh.

 

“what?!” I asked, sitting up.

 

“nothing… I… I just…. What the fuck Jo? A straw? seriously?!” Sara roared in laughter. Emy did too, as I stare back at them, while Tegan forcefully stopped her laughter too as she spoke to the person at the bar.

 

“come on give her a break!” Tegan said, trying to save my ass from embarrassment before turning her attention back to the person at the other end of the line.

 

\------------------------------------------------- 

 

I promised Emy I’d only finish the two bottles I ordered and we can go, but the four of us were just enjoying each other’s company, that even after 12 bottles, we just won’t run out of subjects to talk about.

 

Sara got drunk, that by the moment she couldn’t help but be all touchy towards Emy, they revealed that they’ve been officially dating since this February—just almost a month after they met—coincidentally, a month after Emy broke up with her ex-girlfriend.

 

I never thought Emy was the type to move on right away, but judging by how happy they looked together, I knew I didn’t have to question her decision; Sara seemed to have a good effect on Emy, and I’m just happy she’s happy.

 

Soon, we decided to call it a night—despite feeling like we haven’t spent enough time talking.

 

“wow, look at that it’s 2 in the morning.” Emy said, checking on her watch as we all stood to leave the dressing room.

 

“Yeah, my mom’s gonna kill me.” I said, but laughing it off cause my mom couldn’t have done anything to prevent this anyways.

 

“well I think Emy here’s going to take all the scolding.” Tegan suggested.

 

“fuck it, I’ve done worse, she probably won’t mind this.”

 

“Well… she doesn’t have to find out, right?” Sara said, winking.

 

“I like the way she thinks!” I said, turning to Emy. “How the hell did you find this woman? How did you get so lucky?” I added, as I swung back and forth towards Emy, trying to keep my balance.

 

“O—kay,” Emy caught me, before Sara pulled me back to stand on my own.

 

I almost struggled, but to make up for another embarrassment, I went and hugged Sara.

 

“It was nice finally meeting you.” I said, giving her a pat on the back before pulling away.

 

“oh, pleasure’s mine! So I’ll see you at the film fest?” Sara said.

 

I still couldn’t believe she was that kind to consider joining Emy in accompanying me to the film fest after Thanksgiving.

 

“yes! that’s really nice of you, don’t get held up from your other plans though, I could always go alone if I have to.” I said, as I put my jacket on.

 

“Oh don’t worry,, I’ll be making up for this woman’s deficiency on this friendship” Sara told Emy who was also warming herself up on her jacket.

 

“ _deficiency?!_ I am such a good friend to her, I’m even going to drive her home tonight, remember?” Emy said rolling her eyes.

 

Sara laughed; “Still! You promised her.”

 

“I know, I know… and Thank you, I really appreciate you keeping her company.” Emy said, before kissing Sara.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Sara asked Emy.

 

“Of course” Emy answered.

 

“You’re not gonna change your mind? You can still come to my hotel room tonight if you want?” Sara offered, pulling Emy closer before they start making out.

 

“ugh” Tegan and I reacted in unison as we both look away.

 

“ooookay, let’s walk you out.” Tegan said.

 

“yeah good idea.” I said, as we quickly head to leave the dressing room.

 

Tegan and I left the dressing room, running to the back door of the club, laughing and disgusted.

 

“Jesus, they really do need a room sometimes, huh?” I said, attesting to Tegan’s comment earlier about how Sara and Emy could sometimes get carried away with the PDA.

 

“Yeah they’re always like that-, especially when they’re _both_ drunk.” Tegan said as she close the back door behind us. “good thing Emy’s sober.”

 

“oh man… I still can’t believe Emy kept it from me for months. I mean I understand she’s a little embarrassed that it only took her less than a month to be with Sara after breaking up but… oh well .” I stopped, realizing Tegan was staring at me again as I blabber.

 

“Do you always do that?” I asked.

 

Tegan snapped from her short trance and blinked, smiling as she realize what she just did.

 

“Do what..?” she asked as we lean against the brick wall beside the back door.

 

“Stare at people. It’s rude, you know?” I said raising an eyebrow.

 

“I’m sorry… I’m… I can’t help it.” Tegan said, she bit her lip and shifted so she’s facing me, as she rest her elbow on the wall.

 

I frowned, and shook my head before I chuckled to her smoulder.

 

“you’re trying too hard, just… just don’t.” I said, trying to stop myself from laughing, trying to push Tegan away.

 

“What? I’m not even trying!” Tegan said, as she stand straight and raise her hands.

 

“yeah right…” I said, as I put out a stick of cigarette.

 

“you smoke?” I asked, offering her the pack.

 

“yeah.. thanks.” Tegan took the pack and pulled out a stick.

 

We lit  our cigarettes together and exhaled the smoke at the same time, remaining silent—probably from trying to figure out what to say—as we wait out Emy and Sara.

 

“how much longer are they gonna stay in there?” I asked, getting a little anxious as I stand here alone with Tegan.

 

“I don’t know…probably another 5 minutes.” Tegan said, flicking her cigarette.

 

“So I guess I’m stuck with you for the next 5 minutes?” I asked before puffing on my cigarette.

 

“Are you complaining?” Tegan asked, smiling like a mad dog yet again; I know she’s trying to be cocky, but the way she’s shaking her leg gives away how nervous she was.

 

“No, are you?” I said, throwing her question back. “you seem… _tensed.”_

“Am I that obvious?” Tegan asked, shaking her arms as she try to loosen up.

 

I nodded.

 

“Shit.” Tegan laughed nervously, as she kill her cigarette.

 

“Do you want to call me sometime?” I just said it; I was hoping she’d ask for my number, but I’m getting tired playing this game back and forth with her—if she says yes then good, if not, well, at least I won’t regret not giving her my number at the end of the day.

 

Tegan stared at me again, silent, her mouth slightly open as if not knowing what to say; and in an instant, I regretted what I just said.

 

“alright, I’m sorry for being too forward… I shouldn’t have said that, I’m—“

 

“Shut up.” Tegan blurted out; honestly feeling a little taken aback by her words, so I bit my lip.

 

“—Of course I want your number.”

 

\-------------------------------------------------

**TEGAN**

_“—of course I want your number.”_

 

I feel like fainting—I couldn’t believe she just offered me to call her. I hate it when my nerves get the best of me but this is all working to my advantage.     

 

She pulled out a match sheet and wrote on it, just those simple gestures seemed so incredible to me—her spunk and her confidence and wits—she was all I wished I was when I was 19.

 

“here you go.” Jo handed me the sheet, I flipped it open and saw she also wrote her email down.

 

“Thanks.. I’ll… I’ll call you.” I said “…but you know, I’ll be busy cause we’re recording a new LP soon so…”   


“just call me, anytime. No pressure.” She said.

 

I swallowed, and I swear I could feel my sweat rolling down my forehead from this exchange. I honestly wanted to call her immediately later when I get to my hotel—given that Jenn won’t be there.

 

“okay.. so, next week, maybe?” I said, trying to redeem myself from looking like I was swooning over this piece of cardboard.

 

Jo chuckled again—I can’t believe she’s making me feel so inferior of her every time she laughs at me like this; this is all too much for me.

 

“again, _any time.”_

“Are you ready?!” Emy said, as she open the back door—saving me from pissing myself if I stay another minute alone with Jo.

 

“yup!” Jo said, fixing her bag over her shoulder.

 

Sara followed Emy out, as we walked them to the parking lot; and crazy as it may sound, with all these alcohol in my system, I just wanted to pull Jo back and ask her to stay.

 

Despite my nerves causing me to freeze on the spot when I’m with her, something in me wants her to be around—we don’t have to talk, or do anything, if we could just sit down and look at eachother, then I’m satisfied.

 

“guys I really enjoyed tonight” Jo said, as she open Emy’s car door.

 

“We did too.. especially this one.” Sara answered, elbowing me, causing my gut to churn and my skin to erupt in goosebumps.

 

_Damn it._

“Oh we could tell.” Emy said before getting into her car.

 

These two are ganging up on me and I weirdly enough, I don’t find it offensive. I did enjoy tonight, after all.

 

I just smiled at my little misfortune and crossed my arms, staying behind Sara to conceal myself, so Jo won’t see I was blushing like mad, not minding how she was smiling back at me like I was a laughing stock.

 

“Take care.” I said, waving a hand.

 

Jo got in the car, and as Emy started her engine, Jo rolled her windows down.

 

“Call me.” She said.

 

There goes my stomach once again.

 

“I will.” I answered, before Emy drove away.

 

 


End file.
